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Junior Ray Says: Memphis Gets a Royal Flush

Junior Ray, the irrepressible narrator of John Pritchard’s Junior Ray novels, sent these thoughts about the royal princes’ recent visit to Memphis, Tennessee.

At first, because it was Meffis, I thought it had to be the bobbakew. Otherwise I couldn’t see no other reason for anybody to come to Meffis, TENNessee, all the way from England. Plus I seen the picture in the National Informer of them two boys, whose grandmama is the queena-England, high-steppin it into the Rendezvous Restaurant to get some ribs. But if it wuddn Meffis bobbakew that brung em, I figured the only other reason for em to come here woulda been to pay a visit to the Magic Pussy Cabaret & Club, only they was too late for that, cause the law closed it down. And I am sorry they missed it.

The whole thing about them princes bein just forty miles up road was pretty puzzlin — till it become clear: One of their England buddies was marryin the granddaughter of the Meffis man who invented the motel — the Holiday Inn! — which, as you might know, happened right up there in Meffis back around 1952. I mean, son, if the motel was gon’ be invented, Meffis was sure ‘nough the place for it. In fact the most surprise’n thing to me is that it took anybody around this part of the country so datgum long to come up with a better place to go do you-know-what besides in the backseat of a forty-nine Ford, ‘specially when you consider the mosquitoes and the heat.

Anyway, that was it — the queena-England’s two grandboys come here to whoop it up in a weddn at the Hunt and Polio Club way out in East Meffis, which is where a good many of our big shots live when they aint in Florida.

On the other hand, I reg’n them Princes can go to weddns anytime they please over in England, wherever the hootydoo that is, but — I’d say, as a bonus — Meffis is the only place I know of they can get the world’s best ‘kew — with all white meat, pulled, slaw, a pot o’beans . . . and sauce on the side.

Junior Ray appears in John Pritchard’s trilogy (and growing!) of “Junior Ray” novels, which Publishers Weekly called “hilariously tasteless”: Junior Ray, The Yazoo Blues, and Sailing to Alluvium.